Why Are You Happy?: Finding Joy and Strength in the Wake of Tragedy

[00:00:00] Narrator: Today, we look ahead to one of the most major milestones of our lives. When we graduate into retirement. Now here’s our valedictorian and certified financial planner practitioner, Eric Brotman your host of Don’t Retire… Graduate!: The podcast that teaches you how to advance into retirement rather than retreating.

Get ready for inspiration and actionable advice to guide you towards a seamless transition into a dignified retirement, where you get to make your dreams a reality.

[00:00:33] Eric Brotman: Welcome to don’t retire, graduate. This is Eric brotman, your host. And this is episode 20 of season one. Our freshman year is coming to a close today and we have a, a, an amazing, an inspirational guest with us today. Kristy Schiano is here in studio. Kristy is a Yogi, which is extremely threatening to me. And we’ll find out more about that momentarily. She’s also a business owner and owns the mindful movement center. Plus she has a gig in corporate America.

This is a very busy lady who’s taken time to be on our show today. And Kristy welcome to the show.

[00:01:09] Kristy Schiano: Thank you so much. I’m excited to be here. Thanks for having me.

[00:01:12] Eric Brotman: This is, this is gonna be, this is gonna be a lot of fun because I am so anxious to know, first of all, how you balance these various things. And also how your plan has evolved over time.

[00:01:22] Kristy Schiano: Sure.

Particularly in light of some of the experiences you’ve had in your life. So. Why don’t we begin with a little bit of history and some of your background and some of the things that that maybe are, are most remarkable about your, your journey thus far.

Sure, sure. So I guess the kind of way to think about my journey in life is three stages if you will. Like act one, right? Growing up, I wanna go to college. I’m very blessed and lucky. I, I come from a great family, but we encountered some financial difficulties and my parents always said, education’s the way to go.

So I worked really hard. Got through school and I actually wanted to be a doctor back in the day. Couldn’t afford college, no way I could afford medical school. So I went to my guidance counselor. I said, Hey, what’s the highest paid job outta college? They said, chemical engineer. I’m like, sign me up. so I found I liked it and I was all about working, working, working, working, working, I rose through the ranks and I was very fortunate and blessed and did well.

And spent the majority of my career in, in sales, technical sales in corporate America rose to the rank. And I was very grateful and had an awesome professional career that way. And then in 2007, some life things happened and I got into this wonderful sport called triathlon and I was writing…

[00:02:33] Eric Brotman: that’s three, three more Athlons than I want to do. Okay. So triathlon, so triathlon because when two is not enough and four seems excessive.

[00:02:42] Kristy Schiano: Swim, bike run.

[00:02:42] Eric Brotman: Okay. Fair.

[00:02:43] Kristy Schiano: Swim, bike run. Okay. And I was training and I was hit by a truck while I was training and I suffered a very bad physical experience and mental experience and long story short, I lost everything. I lost the ability to think. I lost the ability to move. It was a financial challenge too. I lost my job too. So this way that I had defined myself in act one as you know, do well rise through the ranks of corporate America. I lost it all. And what does that mean? So I spent a long time recovering and getting back.

And I’m very grateful for that, but something started brewing inside of me. I don’t know what I wanna do, but I know that that path was no longer the path I wanted to go on. And so I had always practiced yoga, but I wanted to become a yoga teacher. I wanted to deepen my practice. So I, I, I did that, which was great.

And then I had a business coach and, you know, getting my career and everything up and running and rolling along. But something was speaking inside of me like this is, I need to explore this. And I found yoga therapy. It’s all yoga. Yoga therapy is using yoga methodologies to ease, suffering in pain and all the layers of our being mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual.

So this goes back to why back in stage one, if you will. I wanna be a doctor. I wanna help people. I really do find a lot of joy in helping people. I’m like, this is great. So thousand hours of training okay. And I’m very blessed. I work for a wonderful company, wonderful people, best company I’ve ever worked for.

I’m so grateful. So I have a side hustle, helping people with yoga therapy and next phase of my life. To your point, you know, don’t retire, graduate, I’ve graduated, quote unquote, retired from phase one, phase two and phase three. I wanna keep doing this. So it’s a wonderful thing. And you know, it, it, it’s a really interesting way that we think about life in these acts and phases, but how we need to be holistic.

Right? You have financial wellness, you have spiritual wellness, you have physical wellness. I’m all about the wellness. So that’s my story in quite a bit in nutshell.

[00:04:50] Eric Brotman: Well, and, and, and it truly a remarkable story and an incredible recovery. And you know, no one who didn’t know that story would suspect that you had to relearn some of the things that many of us take for granted.

So I, I, I give you incredible incredible credit for that. I at. That takes fortitude. It takes attitude. And it, it seems like you’ve, you’ve tackled that one and now you’re making a difference for a lot of folks. So financial wellness is something I, I understand. Spiritual wellness and and, and physical wellness are things that I understand though it’s not something that, that we spend much of our time professionally working with. How do you integrate them and, and, and are there times in your life where one becomes more important than the other, and it’s a pendulum that swings a little bit, or how do you integrate all of that as you’re going through not only your own world, but the world of your clients or, or customers or, or patients.

Are they patients? You’re not a doctor.

[00:05:44] Kristy Schiano: We call them clients. Yeah.

[00:05:45] Eric Brotman: Okay. So no patience. You have no patience.

[00:05:47] Kristy Schiano: That’s that’s what my parents said. I don’t have a lot of patience. Yeah. That’s that’s the one thing I was like, Kristy you want it now. I was like, I’ve learned more patience, but yeah.

[00:05:56] Eric Brotman: Okay. So, so your clients, how do you help them navigate maybe the, the changing sway of which wellness? Almost like whackamole, which one comes first and which one is more important at a given moment? Mm-hmm does that change periodically?

[00:06:08] Kristy Schiano: It depends on the person. It depends on the situation. That’s a really excellent question.

So let me give a couple examples. So I specialize in working with athletes and older populations, but I, I work with professionals too, cuz I’m a professional and I understand that world. So professional client has severe stress and anxiety, severe stress and anxiety. Yeah. Right. And, and there’s a big project looming and I have no control over it.

And how do I deal with that? We don’t solve people’s problems. What we do is we help them find ease from suffering in pain, in the layers of their being. As I mentioned, mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, energetic, and it is all interconnected it’s interwoven. So, you know, it used to be. and again, for this example was a freak out session.

Oh my God. Or I have all this stuff to do. Oh my I’m so stressed. Anxiety. I can’t. Freeze. And it’s interesting. Cuz everyone says, take a breath, take a breath. There’s science that backs up taking some breaths. It may not be just a breath, but okay. So I worked with some breathing techniques. Just pause for a minute, put the breaks on. Breathe.

Here’s a breathing practice to help calm your system. May take some time, five, 10 minutes. That’s okay. Walk away from the desk, walk away from those crazy emails, breathe. And then when you’re calm, come back and there’s lots of other yoga methodologies that we put in there, but then you can go ahead and move forward.

That’s one example from a professional setting how you integrate the Yogic side with the professional side, with the physical side, older population’s movement is an issue. We all get older. There’s no fountain of youth. We’ve all tried, wish we could find it.

[00:07:49] Eric Brotman: yes. There’s only so much Botox.

[00:07:50] Kristy Schiano: Right? but move. Specific movements to help find some ease in the joint so that you can move better through life. And to your question is like, how, how does each one… there’s no priority cuz it’s in the moment. And that’s the thing too, is the future’s not here yet. Past already happened. What is in the present moment is the only thing that’s there.

So you have to walk that line of figuring out what’s working. What’s not and how do you do that? Did that kind of answer the question?

[00:08:19] Eric Brotman: Yeah, I, i, I think it did. I, I had a an amazing experience doing transcendental meditation and actually spent four days at a retreat that included 24 hour vow of silence, which people who know me think it is completely impossible, but I actually managed to do that.

But one of the things that was sort of drilled into all of us, Was this idea of practicing of what is called for now. This idea and, and I’m right there with your client. The, the emails, the, the messages, the, the stressors, the priorities, and, and of course now it’s holiday season. There are extra pressures on all of us or many of us from a family standpoint, from a travel standpoint, from a, a balance of work life. Work, life is never more difficult than it is at the holidays. Especially folks with kids and jobs suddenly have daycare issues or they’re juggling. And it’s a really stressful time and it goes really fast. And I, I think all of us need to, to take that breath.

And none. None of us, I won’t say none of us, lots of us don’t do that instinctively. I know I don’t. I have to, I have to force myself to take the time to do that. Mm-hmm and I actually find that my favorite meditations are walking meditation. Yeah. I think because it’s kinetic and I think because it allows you to, to think and move in fact, I now have a standing desk and when I’m on the phone, I tend to pace. So I’m doing a walking meditation while I’m, while I’m working.

[00:09:40] Kristy Schiano: That’s fantastic. Cause everyone thinks sitting in meditation is ohm and sitting still. There’s all kinds of different meditation, same thing. Like my job is my corporate job is super stressful. I run. I do triathlon. I’ve done. I’ve retired from triathlon, but I still run.

That’s how I manage. It’s a moving meditation to me, cuz I can think. I can breathe. I can go through a better route of just the craziness of the day.

[00:10:06] Eric Brotman: So there are definite pivot points in life. In fact, we had a guest recently who talked a lot about pivot points. And you, you clearly had a pivot point that was not deliberate and not planned and not one you expected.

And it was, I think that’s more of a pivot. That’s sort of a..

[00:10:21] Kristy Schiano: That was a crash. That’s a crash.

[00:10:23] Eric Brotman: It’s it’s like an about face. Okay. So, so there’s that, but, but there are certain moments in our lives where pivots are anticipated, but we still don’t know what they’re going to feel like. One of them is a graduation from high school or college or a graduate program. There’s certain pivot points that come out of that. One of them is a job change or a marital change or relational change or family changes. You know, there, there there’s a, a moment where, you know, in a, in a normal course of things, we tend to bury our parents and that is a that is a moment that I’m fortunate I haven’t experienced yet, but presume that I will. And, and certainly we’ve we’ve know people who’ve been through that. For our purposes, when we’re talking about financial wellness one of the things that comes up is the pivot point around career. And specifically around this idea that we all have to retire someday.

I, I can think of no fate worse than being idle and having no feeling of purpose. It doesn’t have to be for profit , but at least for purpose. So you know, all the millennials, you crazy kids have, have figured out.

[00:11:27] Kristy Schiano: God love you for thinking I’m one. I’m not, but .

[00:11:29] Eric Brotman: Yeah, but, but, but all the millennials have a side hustle and that means you are acting like a millennial. So if your parents ever said, you’re acting like a child, this is one of those, one of those moments, but you, you have this you have this ability to, to make a difference in people’s lives. And still to be in corporate America and still to make the living that presumably you wanna make. So what are the next steps for you? You don’t have to go into tons of detail, but what are the steps for you for financial wellness? What are the kinds of things that have made a difference for you in that regard? Especially since you had to do a full start over as a young adult

[00:12:00] Kristy Schiano: That’s a really, really great question, too. So growing up the way I did, it, it made an impact on me. So I was always a good saver. , you know, I, I take the old school thing where it’s like, immediately I take 10%, I put it in the bank or that’s the first thing I do is I take something and I save it. So I’m very fortunate from that aspect. That’s always the first thing that I’ve done and wasn’t always a lot, didn’t cover everything, but that’s kind of what I did in the first phase.

Right. I was doing that. And then when the, the big change happened, that big pivot, that big crash, I was fortunate enough that I had a bit of a cushion that was used up for lots of other stuff, but it’s planning. Is I know that the present moment is not what the future moment’s gonna be. And I take the thing of like, all right, I know the vision I want for the future. And part of that is having the freedom to do what I wanna pursue. And in our society, that freedom comes with having some financial freedom as well. So it was always kind of saving and planning and working with folks like you, right. That, Hey, I don’t know about all this stuff, coach me, help me, help me plan this.

This is what I wanna do. What do we need to do to get there? So. You know, in those points, it really was I don’t know what necessarily the future, I know what the vision I want for the future, for my future to look like, is this, how do we need to get there? And it’s just saving to make sure I have the financial freedom to pursue what I want.

And you know, the side hustle is great. The fulfillment I get is helping people and I’m very fortunate and blessed that I have my corporate gig. But, you know, I can see a client one night a week when I’m not working. and that’s great. So it’s, it’s interesting too, because in this holistic manner, we do things for fulfillment.

Money’s not always the fulfillment. It was in the first part of my, the first phase of my life. It really was. I, I wanted to be independent. I wanted to do stuff, you know, I couldn’t do. And that’s great, but things don’t bring happiness. Things don’t bring joy for me. The happiness is really helping other people.

And as awful as that accident was, it really is a blessing because now it helped illuminate a path that I can really get back to the thing that brings me joy is helping people.

[00:14:18] Eric Brotman: Let’s let’s unpack this a little if we can because one of the things, one of the things you mentioned was this idea of saving 10% first and the paying yourself first concept is one that I absolutely do believe in.

And whether 10% is the number or not is not material. Where did you learn to do that? Was that instilled by your parents? Was it was it innate? Like how did you learn to do that?

[00:14:38] Kristy Schiano: I’m trying to think the first. I think it was Suze Orman. I think it was Suze. Was it Suze Orman? I just remember, you know, like back then before the internet was really big and you can have the information at the fingertips as I went and I got a, I think it was Suze Orman’s book and rich dad, poor dad.

So I just picked some stuff up. Like I, my parents didn’t save, save 10%. I did. I didn’t see that .It was just I need to, if I don’t wanna have X situation, I need to make sure that that is the priority one. And someone did someone tell me, or, but no, here here’s the thing I remember going back all those years ago is if you do it first and you don’t think about it, So, if you look at this pot of money, if you will, and it’s like, okay, I have X, X, X, oh, there’s not enough for saving versus off the pot.

It, it goes what, then I have to make that rest of the pot work. So it was just easier to do it that way. I had that deducted right away. I didn’t even think about it. Just put in different account. And that was the money I played with was whatever was left over.

[00:15:38] Eric Brotman: That’s one of the key determinants to financial success. If you had to boil it down to a couple of things, that would be one of them. Which is, which is making sure that you immediately live on less than a hundred percent of what you make. I mean, clearly you have to earn more than you spend. And for some people it really is too tight to do that.

But it’s an incredible exercise to say I’m gonna live on X percent. We actually typically start folks at 15 15%. And the, the reason that we do that is that the math, when you start to go through all the different all the different equations, the math tends to work a little better at 15 and frankly, At 15, sometimes three to five of that comes from employer matches so it doesn’t necessarily have to be 10 out of your pocket. It just has to be 15% of your gross. Right. Now one size never fits all. I, I use the, the analogy that if one size fit all hospital gowns would look much more flattering on all of us and they don’t. But the, the, the idea behind that is the earlier you start, the easier it is to get by on 10 or 12 or 15%. If you wait until you’re 50, not that it’s too late, but you might be at 30 or 35% before you realize just how to get to that financial independent moment. Mm-hmm so financial wellness is in that regard, a lifestyle and one you have to pick up early. I would argue physical wellness is likely the same. People who are active as teenagers and 20 year olds probably are more likely to stay active into their thirties and forties than someone who’s wildly inactive is to suddenly pick it up in their forties.

[00:17:09] Kristy Schiano: But it’s never too late. It’s never too late.

[00:17:10] Eric Brotman: It’s never too late. And I’m feeling that you’re going to be my new accountability partner, cuz boy, do I need one of those.

[00:17:16] Kristy Schiano: I’m happy to help.

[00:17:17] Eric Brotman: I appreciate, I appreciate that. So, and then, you know, from a spiritual wellness standpoint, some of those kinds of things are they’re ingrained either by, by parents or grandparents or schooling or religious affiliation or any number of different things. How did you acquire that piece?

[00:17:33] Kristy Schiano: That’s a really interesting. So I was raised Catholic and at one point my life actually, I wanna become a nun. Believe it or not, my friends are probably cringing right now if they heard this, like you.

[00:17:42] Eric Brotman: They’re going to hear this and she’s not wearing a habit currently.

[00:17:45] Kristy Schiano: I did, I did go to the Catholic high school. And you know, it was religion and which is different than spirituality in my definition. And it was, I was very fortunate unless I got to learn a lot about different religions, too. And the thing that I learned when I started looking at these other religions and in quotes, you know, the formal institutions was a lot of the threads are the same.

So why do you need that specific thing? So I just made a shift to spirituality. I don’t think there’s a right and a wrong cuz everybody’s experience with whatever higher power that you give it a name to. I call it God, some people call it the universe, whatever you call it to. And I always believed.

And when my accident occurred, I’m a scientist by training. Right. I said, my undergrads in chemical engineering. You know, was facts. This is it. Black and white. And the prognosis I got was dire. And there’s one thing that I believe in my heart that I have no way to back up is I had people, I didn’t know. I had my family, I had friends praying for me, and I really believed that good energy coming towards me, helped heal me.

So coming out of that, I was like, let’s explore this further. Yoga is not a religion. There is a spiritual component of it. That’s part one of the other koshas and I just explored it. And it’s a journey. It’s a journey where I am today is not where I was yesterday and where I’m in the future is not where I’m going to be now.

So I really it’s always been something since I was a little kid, cuz I was raised in an atmosphere of believing and I saw some, some cool stuff along the way.

[00:19:32] Eric Brotman: There are lots of people who have been through experiences that immediately stopped them in their tracks. Much like you were with your accident.

There are folks who have that through a, a diagnosis or a family tragedy or other events and the, the folks who come through on the other side of that often have a new outlook, a new, you know, we have, we represent hundreds of families and within those hundreds of families, we’ve heard some amazing stories of recovery and resiliency and love and compassion and empathy and all of that.

 How difficult is it? I mean, you, you haven’t been through it necessarily, but you have clients who you might discuss this with. How difficult is it to gain that kind of incredibly valuable, healthy perspective without going through the kind of life altering experience you had.

[00:20:22] Kristy Schiano: Empathy and compassion, you know.

[00:20:25] Eric Brotman: So you’re saying it’s an easy lift.

[00:20:27] Kristy Schiano: No, it’s not, it’s not an easy lift, but, but, you know, trying to see something from someone else’s perspective. If you may, you know, there are people that have never had anything. They’re lucky. They’ve never had a broken bone. They’ve never had a physical injury. They’ve never had a financial crisis. They they’ve had a pretty good way.

That’s great. They’re not better. They’re not worse than. How do they relate to somebody? How do you understand it? It’s through empathy and compassion, listening to someone else, acknowledging that you hear them is I think a way that you can gain that even if you don’t have a life altering experience.

[00:21:02] Eric Brotman: Do you think people who have been through tougher circumstances are better prepared for the next tough circumstance? Even if it’s totally different?

[00:21:11] Kristy Schiano: I think it depends on the person in the, in the situation. Everybody’s different. I went back and I spoke to people in rehab. They asked me to come back and one of it’s interesting. Cause one of the questions I got was how come you’re happy?

[00:21:24] Eric Brotman: Wow.

[00:21:26] Kristy Schiano: And I was like, that’s really, he’s like, I’m depressed. I’m sad. This sucks. I lost my job. I can’t pay for my, what I, how come you’re happy? Were you happy? I’m like, no, I wasn’t happy. I remember my breakdown moment. I remember it very clearly, but you can get through things and that’s what hope is. Everybody is different. He had a really bad physical accident.

There are people that have depression and anxiety that have never had a bad accident. So we never know what’s going inside of people either. Stuff happens, even if you don’t see it on the outside.

[00:21:58] Eric Brotman: I, I can think of. Truly, no better topic at the holidays than to, to talk about the joy and appreciation and empathy and compassion. And to find your calling, which it sounds like you have. What’s next? What’s what’s act three, look like? Any idea, any sneak previews for us?

[00:22:16] Kristy Schiano: Act three is to continue helping people through yoga therapy. I’m finishing up my final year of school. Yay. a thousand hours. I’m I love it. It’s gonna be sad to finish, but it’s also be great.

Cuz then I can have my official certification. act three is pursuing, helping people more and more, as much as I can through yoga and through yoga therapy. It, you know, it’s interesting that concept of retire don’t graduate. And I specialize in working with older populations and there are older populations that just sit at home, but they don’t do anything, they don’t move they’re they’re they’re there. And what that gives you an opportunity to try some stuff, maybe go back and learn a new hobby, maybe take a class and things like that. I always in my act three, or even through act one, act two is how can I grow and expand? I love to learn. So throughout my life, I always wanna learn something and move forward, however I can and be the best person I can. So in act three, it’s really continuing to help people as much as I can, and also try and be the best person I can and learn from others.

[00:23:19] Eric Brotman: Well, I’m not a gambler, but my money’s on you.

[00:23:21] Kristy Schiano: Oh, well, thank you.

[00:23:22] Eric Brotman: Before we close our show, one of the things we ask every guest to do, as, as I know you’re aware is we ask for an extra credit assignment. The one thing that someone who just spent a half hour or so with us can take away from the show that will make a material impact on them either on their financial wellness or their ability to graduate. And rather than retiring in its official sense or other types of wellness, quite frankly, any step that folks can take.

That’s that one item? What would that be?

[00:23:51] Kristy Schiano: I’d say part one, take a pause, take a pause. Breathe. Ground yourself. If you need somebody to help you, I can help you with that. Or, you know, find a, a yoga teacher to just take a pause and get in touch with yourself and see what your heart is telling you. What brings you joy. Brings you happiness. And once you find that thing, make a plan. Here’s something that was a big impact. When I was young, I saw people driving to work and they looked miserable. they looked awful. I’m like, I never wanna be that. Don’t be that person if you can help it, take a pause. Find what brings you. Joy brings you happiness and then make a plan, make a plan.

So financial wellness, I wanna retire in a Caribbean island. Great. That’s awesome. That brings you joy. That brings you happiness. Make a plan, talk to BFG. talk to someone, make a plan to get you there. Physical wellness. I want to be healthy and active. Great. Okay. What’s your plan to do that? And then you have to execute on that plan. Spiritual wellness. Meditate, or, or, or do something else, but I think it all starts with just taking a pause, getting in touch with yourself and then make a plan because if we don’t have a plan, we just kind of say, oh, well, I wanna do that. That’s great. A lot of people wanna, but what are you gonna do? So that’s my homework is take a pause and think about your plan, make a plan, and then act on it. And then act on it.

[00:25:15] Eric Brotman: I love that. How can people get in touch with you who wanna learn more about either your business or your practice or what have you?

[00:25:20] Kristy Schiano: That’s awesome question. You can email me at mindfulmovementcenter2018@gmail.com. You can call me at 215-410-9650. . Or you can visit my website at www dot mindful movement dot. center. center. Center, not a.com. I’m revising my website, but that’s how you can get in, touch me right there.

So those are the three ways you can get ahold of me.

[00:25:46] Eric Brotman: Give us that address one more time. Cause I’m gonna put it on our show note for you.

[00:25:49] Kristy Schiano: Sure. So my email is mindfulmovementcenter2018@ gmail.com. Phone is two one five four ten nine, six fifty. And my website is www dot mindful movement. Dot center.

[00:26:05] Eric Brotman: Fantastic. You told all of our audience to, to take a break mm-hmm and that is exactly what the show is about to do. I couldn’t have scripted that any better and I swear you weren’t a plant. But now that it’s holiday time, we’re gonna take a break. It’s the end of our freshman year. All of our listeners are gonna be sophomores come January, which is very exciting. And we’ll be back with a new season of don’t retire graduate.

I want to thank you, Kristy Schiano for being our guest today. You were fantastic.

[00:26:32] Kristy Schiano: Thank you for having me. You guys are awesome. I really appreciate the opportunity to chat with you.

[00:26:36] Eric Brotman: Well, you were an amazing guest and a perfect holiday time guest, which is very much appreciated. So with that, I’m your host, Eric Brotman

it’s been a pleasure guiding all of our freshman class through the first year of not retiring, but in fact, graduating we’ll be back with a whole new season starting in January. In the interim, you can check out our, our past episodes at www.dontretiregraduate.com. If you’d like to get in touch with our firm, BFG financial advisors can be reached at www. BFGFA.com.

So for now, this is Eric Brotman signing off and reminding you don’t. Graduate

[00:27:16] Narrator: from this day forward, let us make each decision with our best interests in mind. Let us begin visualizing our dreams and reaching our goals. It’s time to take the next steps in our life journey and build our futures today. I implore you. Don’t retire. Graduate. Visit our website. Don’t retire, graduate.com to download episodes and connect with us on social media. Securities offered through Kestra investment services, LLC Kestra is member FINRA SIPC investment advisory services offered through Kestra advisory services, LLC Kestra as, and affiliate of Kestra is Kestra is or Kestra as are not affiliated with Brotman financial or any other entity discussed.